Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
