and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
