oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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