I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
