I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
