I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
