I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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