I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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