Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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