Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
