Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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