I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
