I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
