What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
