you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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