honey bunches of taint.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
