Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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