He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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