Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
