I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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