Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
