He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
