oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
