On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
