like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
