i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
