I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
