I want to walk on stilts...naked
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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