I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
