she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
