dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
