you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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