so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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