Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
