Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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