i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
