in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
