I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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