obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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