I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
