Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
