I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
