He had one of those small greek statue penises
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
