I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
