Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
