Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
