I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
