I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
