My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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