I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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