it was like his penis was on wheels.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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