dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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